I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
