Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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