That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
