Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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