this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
