my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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