I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Your dad touched me again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
