so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
