I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
