my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
