I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
