I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
