Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
