halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
