If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
