u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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