im about as happy as oj after his trial
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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