I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
