he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
