And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
