If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
we should paint friendship bongs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
