I want to have your abortion
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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