sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
