he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i will never coherently bang her
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
