Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
