I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
