woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
