is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Terrible idea I love it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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