idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
