Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
