Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
