I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize