We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
