McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
