So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
