you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
