3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
