Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
