A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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