Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
