he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
