his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
