why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
