On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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