how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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