bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
