TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
