My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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