Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
