if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
