Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
