You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
