He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
