he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
