And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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