Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
