found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
