I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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