If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
