It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
